Is there a way we can set up the cross ark so my PS4 or XBOX friends can play?

Unfortunately not. ARK is available on 4 different server platforms:

Steam (Allowing any PC player with Steam to play, regardless of Operating System, allows mods through Steam Workshop.)

Microsoft Network (This does allow for Windows10 Store and XBOX Live players to play together, but only on the Microsoft Network, which does not allow for mods..)

PlayStation Network (Allowing only for PS4 players, once again not allowing mods.)

Nintendo Online (Allowing for only Nintendo Switch players, once again not allowing mods.)

This host provides servers for the Steam platform. The other three platforms require actually owning a Console license PER server to run, which is a monthly charge on TOP of the hardware cost. This is also why if you've been shopping for a Console host that the pricing is so horribly lopside when compared to Steam.